My First Blog Post

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

It’s an odd feeling. An ugly feeling. It’s the feeling of hurt. And betrayal. And broken trust. It’s the feeling of not being wanted. That’s what I am. Unwanted. I can live in ignorant bliss or I can choose to accept it. “You deserve better”. But what if I deserve you? “You need someone better”. But what if I want you? “You deserve someone to be fully committed to you”. As if you wouldn’t be that for me. “I can’t”. You damn well can, you just don’t have the balls to speak up for what you want.
Instead, you’d rather spew fallacies, and expect me to believe it. You expect me to silently agree, not to call you out on it. You’d rather say that you wouldn’t feel anything if I walked away. Maybe you wouldn’t. But why did you lead me to believe that you would? You said that you couldn’t do this. That’s also bullshit. You didn’t even try… We found an escape through each other. I didn’t imagine it. I know you felt that too. We talked tall tales all day, for hours at a time, without getting bored. We talked about absolutely everything. We were happy doing it. But it doesn’t matter, does it? You don’t care and you’ve proved as much. I shouldn’t care either but somehow this feels worse than a breakup. But we’d never reach that. You’re too full of cowardice to even try.
Maybe you’re scared. But I am too, but at least I can own up to it. You can barely acknowledge it. Is it because you “respect me too much”? Then why do you still allow yourself to imagine it? If you say that you don’t care if I walk away, then why do you tell me you miss me? You said that you wished you could feel differently. But that’s also bullshit. You felt with me. I don’t know exactly what it is, but you felt something. I know you did. I could see it cloud our conversations.
The only question I am left with is “Why”? Why would you lead me on? Why would you make me believe anything?
One year later I’m happy. I’m with the most wonderful person in the world but you had to turn the tables on me. “You’re the only one that I’ve ever felt comfortable talking with”. Is that so? So what was the narrative you spun before? “I missed my chance.” Damn right you did, and I’m not going to comfort you or console you. You had your chance, you didn’t want it. You told me to move on. I watched you date, I saw you be happy, that wasn’t a façade. “Every girl I’ve been with, I’ve thought of you”. That’s degrading. That’s disrespectful towards those girls. It’s disrespectful towards me. You know how happy I am. When you realized that you were “happier talking to me” did you not realize how much pain this confession would cause me. Did you not realize how much it would hurt to potentially lose my best friend? But the biggest question here, did you even care? ~anshika.

darling, you are like rain
in a drought affected area &
fragnant lilies in a desert.
you have a lot more
than you realize
you are that hope
which the world lives on.
most importantly, you are
someone who no one can be.
you don’t have to feel place out of place anymore,
because you are where you meant to be,
you are where you belong.
you don’t have to worry
about fitting in,
because people like you
are so beautiful just the way they are.
your scars are no less than
the stars with inspiring stories,
which you have been hiding since
as long as i know,
but no,
you need to tell your story to people
because it matters,
you matter.
you think people don’t love you
but how can you expect love from others
if you don’t give it to yourself ?
accept yourself
with all your flaws,
because honestly,
the perfection you’re
looking for,
doesn’t exist.
i just want you to know
that you can do wonders.
you just have to believe
in yourself.
you are capable
of changing the world.
my friend,
never doubt that.
-love, another misfit who realized.

for the ones who have lost hope ;

you’re on edge, aren’t you? you’re about to fall & you can’t seem to find that one string of hope to hold on to. you can’t seem to find one ray of light to awaken the hope in you again. this is for you, for the ones who have lost hope. is it because you’ve had enough? or is it because pain has got the best of you? you’ve come so far, don’t you think? was is to give up at the end? pretty sure it wasn’t. so hey you reading this, please hold on to that seed of hope in you. don’t give up on it. let’s acknowledge the fact that you’ve come this far & you’re destined to move even further. so don’t fall down & make a home there. fall, but get back up! sometimes, it’s necessary to fall to learn a lesson & sometimes, it’s necessary to fall to give yourself a break. but what matters is not the fall, it’s how you push yourself to get back up again & push yourself to get back on track. to give this life thing another try. to not give up. that’s what matters. & i need you to know that your efforts are being acknowledged. you’re trying your best & i’m proud & grateful for that. so don’t lose hope, you’re human & you’re allowed to fall down. just don’t unpack & live in sadness. feel it & move to where it’s healing. set out for the road to recovery. & you’ll make it there slowly. i once read in a book that “if the good times didn’t last, then the bad times won’t either.” & so this pain in your heart, no matter how excruciating it may be, will leave this time. just hold on & stay strong. for yourself. -anshika

Love Poems

i want to write you a love poem, but i don’t know how my love for you will ever be able to fit in 26 letters. all of the love poems ever written could never describe my love for you. if i gathered every great poet that has ever lived, like shakespeare , cummings, keats, and the rest, all of their voices combined wouldn’t be able to describe my love for you. i wish i could describe it, but my love is too complex and abstract to fit into something as simple and physical as writing. sometimes, not even metaphors are enough. sometimes, even language cannot speak. so this is a love poem, but it cannot be a love poem. love poems don’t know us. they aren’t able to describe the fluttering inside my chest, every time i see you. love poems don’t understand the late nights we spend, talking about anything and everything, or how your laugh can make me happier than any antidepressants ever could. nothing can describe the feeling in my heart that grows forever, every second of every day. i feel this love for you that no poem, or poet, no combination of words or letters could ever describe. my love for you surpasses language.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.